


It's Like We're Going Under

by Nefertiti1052 (Succubusphan)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 11:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17827598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Succubusphan/pseuds/Nefertiti1052
Summary: After a very rough year in their relationship, Dan is not sure if he should quit or keep trying to salvage what they had.





	It's Like We're Going Under

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Katsinspaxe-arts for making the amazing art and prompt for this fic and Completelyuncreative2 for being an amazingly supportive and efficient beta! This was written for the Phandom Reverse Bang Winter Edition 2018/19
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: [Art Link](https://katsinspaxe-arts.tumblr.com/post/182872866742/this-was-drawn-for-the-phandomreversebang-for/)

Dan was exhausted. He needed a break from work, from youtube, and to his surprise, he needed a break from Phil. He was tired of constantly fighting over the smallest things and of trying, again and again, to remind Phil to make time for themselves. Yes, they were both workaholics but having time for each other as a couple had never been a problem before. They had always kept their priorities in check, even during their hard times. Dan smiled as a tear rolled down his cheek, he remembered when they moved to London and hoped to get a permanent job at the BBC. Even though they had had nothing at all, Phil kept saying that everything would be ok as long as they stayed together because _that_ was the most important thing. Hell, they struggled to afford food at times, but they were happy.

 

Now, surrounded by all the luxury they could possibly want, it seemed like they were barely roommates. On the sporadic nights they had sex, Dan let himself think that it would be ok, that they were still close and in love, but he would often wake up to an empty bed. He never thought he could feel so alone while still living with his boyfriend. He had tried so many times to bring the topic up but Phil would always change the subject, or say that everything was fine and go back to focusing on work. After an entire year of-of missed dinners, cold silences and no romance or companionship to be seen, sometimes he felt ready to give up. He would think about what to say, how to lay all of his reasons out and considered the possible outcomes, but when he started to look through the house for Phil, he could never do it. Before he even said a word, his body would betray him and start to feel weak, dizzy, nauseous. The prospect of giving up on Phil, on _them_ , made him sick to his stomach. So he would drag himself back to bed and sob, covered up to his head under the blankets, curled into a fetal position, his face buried into the pillow he often hugged for sleep to feel less shit. Phil never found him during a breakdown, he never came to bed early, if he did at all; if he had ever caught Dan during one of his breakdowns, he never mentioned it. Dan chose to believe in the former option, it would be too devastating to think that Phil would know how heartbroken he was feeling and simply ignore him.  

 

Dan had been crying for hours, his head was pounding, depriving him of any rationality. Maybe today would be the day when he finally decided to leave. He sniffled and rubbed the tears away sighing. In the morning, he would do it then, after he had slept and his thoughts were in order. He stilled as he heard the door of the bedroom open. By now he could identify every single one of Phil’s noises. He listened as Phil undressed, but the closet door never opened as a sign that he was looking for pyjamas. He found that strange because as they started to drift, Phil had started to actually wear pyjamas instead of sleeping in just boxers. The bed dipped and the covers were lifted, letting some cold air get to his back, making him shiver slightly. Suddenly, he was engulfed in an embrace he hadn’t felt in too long.

 

Phil pressed his entire body to Dan’s back and kissed his hair and his cheek softly, running his hand on his tummy below his shirt. It was the most intimate gesture Phil had granted him in months.

 

“Dan, I love you,” he whispered into Dan’s ear. “Please, I love you. Don’t leave me. I’m here - I’m here.”

 

That broke Dan’s resolution to pretend to be asleep. “Are you?” he murmured with a trembling voice.

 

Phil hugged him tightly, as he was trying to prevent Dan from running away, and maybe he was. “Yes, I’m here. I love you.” His voice never trembled but Dan felt Phil’s tears fall onto his cheek.

 

“Ok.”

 

Maybe there was still hope for them.

 

\-------

 

Dan woke up alone again, but there was a breakfast tray on the bedside table with a note: “I had to go to the meeting with the BBC to close the details for the Radio Show, I didn’t have the heart to wake you up. I love you.”

 

Dan smiled. It was a start.

 

Words and gestures were not enough to make things last. If they were going to mend their bond, they needed to talk, to feel, to remember what brought them together. He thought for a moment before he got up and set about planning a trip for them, they needed to work on their relationship.

 

They had travelled and made so many beautiful memories, Portugal, Japan, Jamaica… they had been so young. No, The Philippines was more recent. Their relationship had already been cemented then. They had filmed the entire trip, planning to share it with the world but when they saw the final video, they just couldn’t; they kept it to themselves. That had only been in 2017 - yet it seemed like a decade ago. Dan’s chest hurt when he flipped through the pictures; they looked so in love. During the firework show, Dan had been sure Phil was going to propose, but he never did. That hadn’t fazed him because he _knew_ they would eventually get married. They had talked about it a couple of times, they both knew that was were they were headed, the _when_ was unimportant.

 

He did his research. They had already visited Manila and he _knew_ they would be easily recognized there. He considered one of the other islands to have a bit more privacy and settled on Panglao. He knew it was the rainy season which was the equivalent of winter, but they had already gone through that in their first visit to the country and this trip felt like an emergency - they could tolerate being moist. The change of scenery and opportunity to just be together would be the perfect way to relax and talk about them. When he looked at the calendar, he realized that it was October the 13th. Even though they hadn’t made their relationship official until December, they still celebrated the day of their first date - even if t was with a homemade dinner and a movie. In a spur of the moment decision, he booked 2 tickets in first class to the Philippines for the 15th.

 

He leaned back in his office chair and smiled. He felt at peace because he was sure that he had made the right decision for them. The rest of the day was spent replacing their absolutely torn up suitcases and getting some tablets to help Phil with his motion sickness.

 

He got back just on time for dinner, so he left the luggage by the front door and went looking for Phil. First, he went into the office but was surprised to find it empty, so he called for him as he walked down the stairs to the kitchen. Sometimes he cursed the moment they decided to rent such a big flat. If life on tour had proved anything, it was that they didn’t need all of the material things they surrounded themselves with. The clothes, the furniture, the novelty items and a house that could give roof to a family with 6 children but was just for the two of them.

 

To his surprise, he found Phil sitting in bed with his laptop, already waiting for him with their favourite order from Domino’s.

 

Dan smiled leaned down to peck him on the lips, making Phil smile too.

 

“Hi, where were you?”

 

“I was out, shopping,” Dan said as he removed his clothes to slide into his game of thrones pyjamas.

 

“What did you get?” Phil asked absentmindedly as he watched Dan. “Why are you wearing pyjamas to bed? You hate that.” He frowned.

 

“Yes, but we are going to eat and I don’t want ranch dressing on my dick.”

 

“Why not? I like ranch dressing.”

 

“Shut up. Oh - I bought suitcases, the others didn’t survive the tour well.” He said finally climbing to bed and sliding closer to Phil.

 

“Suitcases? Are we travelling again?” Phil asked jokingly.

 

“Yes. In 2 days, actually.”

 

The amused expression on Phil’s face fell immediately.

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“Yes,” said Dan getting into bed and grabbing a slice of pizza and taking a bite.

 

“Dan! - why didn’t you talk to me? We have meetings, we have a lot on our plates right now.”

 

Dan set the pizza back on the box wiping his hands with the napkin and finally locked his eyes on Phil’s. “Yes, I know. I should have talked to you and given us more time to clear our schedule, but we _need_ this.” He kept his tone firm even though deep down he felt like he was pleading to Phil.

 

Phil’s averted his eyes, avoiding Dan’s. “We have to sign a contract with the BBC on the 29th! Dan, this is important, it could take us to the next phase in our careers. You should have asked.”

 

“ _We_ are more important than the contract, and honestly, I don’t think I can keep doing this,” Dan said, defeated.

 

Phil’s breath hitched. “What?”

 

“I can’t keep being nothing more than your work partner. At this point, I don’t even think we are friends anymore, least of all a couple.”

 

“But -” Phil tried to interject with tear-rimmed eyes.

 

“No! Work clearly comes first for you, and I’m tired of being left for last. You said that as long as we had each other everything would be fine, but we don’t. We’ve lost each other.” Dan’s voice cracked.

 

Phil hugged him and rubbed his back. “ No, no no no no. We do, we do. You have me, love. I know I focus too much on work, but please, _believe_ me, I do it for us; because I want the best for _us_.”

 

Dan covered his face with both hands. “We don’t need anything else than what we have. Why can’t you see that we already live in an expensive flat, we have everything we could possibly wish for and investments that could support us even if we quit entirely?”

 

Phil’s hand froze on his back. “Do you want us to quit?”

 

“No. I don’t know. I think not. What I mean is, we are no longer working to live. We don’t even need to keep working. We are living to work, and that’s no life. I need _more_ , I need _us_. I need us to be companions, partners, friends, lovers. Like we used to - or not, not like we used to because relationships mature with time and change, but I need you to be next to me in life again, to be my person.”

 

Phil nodded against his shoulder. “I am,” he said, determined to make this work

 

“Then come with me. I haven’t booked the flights back, we can be back before the 29th, but we need a few days to work on us as a couple. We need to _talk_.” He wasn’t hungry anymore, so he got out of bed and put on his slippers.

 

Phil wasn’t sure that a trip was what they needed right now, but he didn’t feel like he had much of a choice. “Yeah, ok. Let’s go.”

 

Dan headed to the door, but before he left, he turned to Phil. “Don’t say yes just because you have to. You get to choose. I’m getting on the plane regardless, if you don’t want to come, we’ll discuss it when I get back. I need a break anyway.”

 

“Ok - wait, where are you going? Don’t you want the pizza?”

 

“No, I’m not hungry. I’m going to my office to play Guild Wars. Thanks, anyway.” He smiled sadly, avoiding Phil’s eyes, and left. It had _clearly_ been a stupid idea.

 

Phil didn’t feel like eating either. He took everything and put it in the fridge for the next day. It took him only 5 minutes to decide that Dan was right. They needed to focus more on themselves. They had been slowly drifting apart, not because they purposely neglected their relationship, but because they had lost sight of what was important. At first, Phil knew Dan was on the same boat with their career plans as they were planning their retirement and other investments, but Phil secretly setting money aside to buy a house for them as well, causing to overwork himself. He wanted nothing but the best for his Dan, but apparently, he had not been paying attention to _them_.

 

He felt ashamed when he tried to remember the last time they had taken a night off, or gone on a date or had sex that wasn’t a desperate quest for a quick release. He felt even worse when he realized that, in the few moments when he wasn’t working, he had also failed to spend time with Dan. He had stayed up playing video games or watching movies alone. He had told himself that the hurt looks Dan had given him when he ignored his attempts at conversation, and the times he had heard him crying in bed, were not about him, when he should have talked to him instead. He had tried to pretend that he was staying in the spare room because he didn’t want to wake Dan up and that Dan surely needed his space too. The reality was that _he_ was the one that needed space because of the amount of stress he was putting on himself with the constant work he had brought upon himself.

 

Had he ruined everything? He wasn’t sure anymore. He needed to at least try to salvage their relationship. He only hoped that Dan had it in him to forgive him.

 

\------

 

Phil watched Dan from the door. He was cursing and shouting commands to his Guild team in a PVP. He smiled at his boyfriend’s antics. God, he had missed this. He hadn’t watched Dan play like he used to in months, lazily scrolling on social media or playing on his phone, but sharing the same space with him in comfortable silence. Or silence between the two of them, because Dan sure loved to swear.

 

He waited until the match was over and leaned forward behind Dan’s chair, hugging him and letting his head rest on his shoulder. “What should I pack for the trip?” he asked with a smile.

 

Dan turned towards his face smiling. “Are you coming?”

 

“Of course I am. I could never stay here without you.” He kissed Dan lazily; lovingly. “Ok?” he asked, looking into his eyes.

 

“Ok. It’s winter, so probably something waterproof but light.”

 

“Hmmm, yeah I know. It’s typhoon season, I googled it.”

 

Dan turned on his chair. “No, it’s monsoon season, it will be warm but rain sometimes and be really humid like the last time we went”

 

“Yeah, but in September and October that gets worse and they have Typhoons.”

Dan swiftly turned his attention to the monitor and a quick google search, confirmed the information.

“Oh for fuck's sake. I can’t believe it.”

 

“That our romantic holiday will be plagued by storms?”

 

“And that I booked us first class tickets to go on and spend a week in a potentially flooded and secluded island.”

 

Phil’s eyes were ready to fall out of their sockets, but he didn’t mention it. He honestly didn’t want to know how much that had cost. “Well, I’m sure we can find some indoor activities to do,” he wiggled his eyebrows.  

 

“We’ll see.” Dan smiled.

 

\-------

 

 After over 14 hours on a plane, they were exhausted. Phil felt grateful for the space they got in the first class seats, he didn’t know what he would have done if he would have had to suffer that long in coach or economy. He felt really overwhelmed and anxious about everything.

 

After going through immigrations and another three hours trying to get a boat, they arrived at Panglao Island and checked into their hotel. The main focus of attention in their huge bedroom was the bed, covered in white throw cushions and red rose petals and floor to ceiling windows with a beautiful and inviting view of the beach.

 

Phil could already feel the sweat running down his back and would have liked to run straight into the sea to cool off but he was so tired that he would probably drown if he tried.

 

“Wanna go to the beach?” Dan asked but he looked even more tired than himself with his dark circles being a deeper shade than they have been in a long time.

 

Phil was already peeling the sweaty clothes off his body.“I would love to, but honestly, I think I would drown. I want to sleep for a week.”

 

Dan wasted no time in undressing as well. “Me too, okay, let’s sleep. Maybe we can go out to dinner or something.” He found the air conditioner remote and turned it on as he let himself fall to the bed.

 

“Yeah, or something,” said Phil already climbing on the bed face first and putting a pillow on top of his head.

 

“Phil! There are blackout curtains, you don’t need to do that. You’ll suffocate.” Dan pressed the button in the control panel and the room slowly sank into darkness.

 

“Would that be so bad?” Phil asked through the pillow.

 

Dan huffed and took the pillow away “Yes. And leave that kind of humour to me, it’s not funny when you say it.”

 

Phil turned, laying on his back. “I am funny,” he pouted.

 

“Yes, but not like that.” Dan got closer and cupped his cheek, using his thumb to find his lips and kissed him. “Good night.”

 

“Good night.” Phil fell asleep with a smile on his lips for the first time in a long time.

 

\-----

 

It seemed like he had just fallen asleep when Dan was shaking him awake. He felt like his body was barely responding but he knew deep down that it was important for him to get up even if he couldn’t exactly remember why.

 

“Love, we should get ready for dinner if we don’t want to miss our first day entirely.”

 

“Mmmmkay,” Phil replied, with his eyes still closed.

 

Dan considered it for a moment, he was tired as well, maybe it would be better for them to order room service instead of going out, even if he was looking forward to a date.

 

“Do you want to order in?”

 

“No, that’s ok. I’m up,” Phil said but he looked sickly, tired.

 

“No, it’s fine.We can have a romantic dinner here, right?”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes, I’m tired too.”

 

Phil smiled drowsily. “Ok, sure. Going to take a shower, you coming?”

 

A hint of a smile appeared on Dan’s face “I’m going to order dinner and set everything for our night, but tomorrow definitely.”

 

“Ok,” Phil pouted.

 

\-------

 

The first night went well, they still didn’t address the issues at hand but they were both too tired to stay up for long. They cuddled up together and put Netflix on but they fell asleep before the end credits rolled.

 

The next three days were peaceful, but at the same time, Dan felt like Phil was avoiding the topic altogether. When He tried to bring it up, Phil’s face would morph into a frown and he would look away silently or outright change the subject.

 

It didn’t help matters that Dan felt his depression creeping in on him, feeding off his negative feelings and making him over analyze everything. By day 4, he made a semi-successful effort to snap out of it to give this trip one last try. The 19th of October had never been a date disregarded by them. The previous year, Phil had cooked an entire 4 course meal for him from scratch after having researched recipes for weeks. It had been one of the last good moments they had shared together as a couple. Yes, the tour had been amazing but that had only been related to their career. The shared moments had been rare and far in between.

 

Dan went down to the hotel reception and booked a trip to the deepest parts of the Island. He wanted them to visit the bird sanctuary and pools of water with sea turtles. God, he wanted to take so many pictures of Phil in the forest. He hoped that on their anniversary they would finally be able to find a peaceful place and the right mindset to talk.

 

\--------

 

He could see that Phil was trying to put on his best face but the intense heat, combined with the humidity that made it hard to breathe, was taking its toll on both of them. After visiting the bird sanctuary, he saw the perfect opportunity for a picnic under the trees. He walked for a few minutes absentmindedly and found the biggest tree he could and set a mantel on its protruding roots right where they formed a semi-flat surface and took their provisions out. They removed their backpacks and sat down for lunch.

 

“This is nice,” Dan smiled as he picked up a sandwich and took a bite.

 

Phil smiled looking around. “Yeah, I just wish it wasn’t so hot. I feel like I’m melting.”

 

“Me too. Remember to have some water, we’ve been sweating a lot and we need to not get a avoid dehydration or a heat stroke.”

 

Phil rummaged through his backpack until he found his water bottle and took a good swig from it. He patted his pockets and found his phone, he still had quite a bit of battery but the reception was bad.

 

“Happy anniversary, Philly,” said Dan poking him on the shoulder.

 

Phil looked up from his phone in shock. “What?”

 

“You forgot?” Dan’s mouth hung open in disbelief.

 

Phil checked his phone and saw the date, October the 19th. The anniversary of the day that changed their lives. In 9 years he had never forgotten about it. He felt his eyes well up with tears.

 

“I’m sorry. Happy anniversary, I love you.” Phil leaned forward and grabbing the back of Dan’s neck to pull him closer, he crushed their lips together in a deep kiss. He tried to pour into it everything he couldn’t put into words as a tear rolled down his cheek.

 

“I love you too, Phil. But we need to talk. “

 

“Now?”

 

“We’ve put it off for long enough.”

 

Phil set his eyes on his lap. “I know, but I’m scared,” he said with a trembling voice.

 

Dan took Phil’s chin and lifted his face softly until their eyes met again. “Me too, but we need to sort this out now before it becomes a bigger issue. I’m tired of either fighting or ignoring each other,” he said barely above a whisper.

 

Phil stared into his eyes in silence for a moment but was startled by the sudden sound of thunder and the immediate start of the pouring rain.

 

“Fuck! Fuck- Oh my fucking god.”

 

“Let’s pack this up, we need to go back!” Phil shouted, trying to be heard over the storm.

 

Dan thought where they should go next. He tried to call their hotel, the phone number in the sanctuary pamphlet and the emergency services but he couldn’t get through to anyone.

 

They were about 30 minutes away from the sanctuary that had already closed but it was the safest choice. If they ran they could probably catch the tour guides or find help to get back to the hotel.

 

Another lightning followed closely by a thunder struck in the forest. “We can’t stay here!”

 

“What do we do?”

 

He grabbed Phil’s wrist and started running, “Run!”

 

Phil was struggling to keep up because of the amount of water that was pooling in the ground. Suddenly Dan disappeared right in front of him when he stepped into a small course of water rapidly filling.

 

“Dan!” Phil did not even take a moment to consider his options, he went right in before Dan could even get back on his feet.

 

Dan found his footing and emerged out of the water gasping, it was only up to his waist but he hadn’t been able to see clearly where he was going and consequently fell as he stepped into what he thought was more submerged grass. “I’m fine - I’m fine, come on!” he said grabbing Phil’s hand again and treading through to the other side.

 

Dan stopped running and dragged Phil under a tree. He was losing hope of finding the place, his lungs were burning and he saw the signs that marked the way back to the sanctuary, still a few miles to the west; they had not been going in the right direction. At that moment he realized the difficulty to breathe he felt wasn’t because of the running; he was on the verge of a panic attack.

 

Phil hugged him tightly. “We can’t stay here. The thunders.”

 

Dan started to sob and buried his face on his boyfriend’s neck. “I’m sorry. I - I don’t know where we are going.”

 

“To the Bird Sanctuary? There’s a  sign there!” His voice was drowned by a thunder striking so close they felt the ground shake. “Come on!” Phil dragged Dan to a black sign ahead as fast as he could. To his surprise, it was actually above the entrance of an underground cave. He looked to the ground and saw a steep set of stairs carved into the limestone and immediately descended, merely letting go of Dan’s hand to grab the rail.

 

Phil stood at the bottom of the stairs and looked around. Even though it was extremely cloudy, a bit of daylight filled the cave through two openings in the ceiling and made it possible to see most of the cave from the entrance. The entire ceiling of it was adorned with stalactites and there was a beautiful pond inside. Its turquoise colour reflected the light onto the walls and gave the entire formation an icy look.

 

“Wow, this place is amazing.”

 

He walked slowly to the edge of the water and saw his reflection. He almost didn’t recognize his own face, he looked worn and sickly. For a moment he caught a glimpse of a smile in the water even though he wasn’t smiling and a different hairstyle, but a moment later it was gone.

 

“Yeah,” Dan murmured as he sank to the floor and tried to check for cell phone service, but it was not working. They would be trapped until the end of the storm at least.

 

“It’s doesn’t work.”

 

“I know, but I just have the need to keep working on things that are clearly not working. It seems like I don’t know when to fucking quit,” Dan said bitterly.

 

“Don’t say that. We work. We just need to….” He didn’t finish. He wasn’t sure _what_ they needed.

 

“What? No ideas?” Dan was getting more and more infuriated.

 

Phil sighed trying to keep his calm. “I don’t know what we need to do, but I know we can fix it.”

 

“Fix _what_ exactly?”

 

“Our relationship.”

 

The fact that he was the only one mad, made Dan feel even more rage. “Well, _Phil_ , I tried. But it appears that there is no relationship left to fix at all because can’t seem to fucking care enough to even try.” His chest was heaving.

 

“ _No!_ That’s not true. I try; I really do,” Phil bit back.

 

Phil was finally getting mad as well and Dan relished in that small victory. “Do you? Do you _really_? I have been trying to talk to you for a _year_ and you never want to fucking solve things. All you care about is work and money.”

 

“That is uncalled for. I work for _us_ , for our future, Dan. One of us _has_ to be an adult and actually work. To make plans instead of just going with whatever plan crosses their mind, like taking a fancy vacation without any planning _whatsoever_ putting our lives and our jobs at risk. So for once in your life, Dan, just SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

 

Dan’s eyes welled up with tears again. “FUCK YOU! You said that it was ok for me to take time off!”

 

“Yes, and I said that I would make up for it. How the fuck do you think I make up for it? I work. I work my fucking ass off for us, to never have to be in a position when we don’t know if we will be able to afford food tomorrow. Why can’t you just fucking realize that I am a human too?!” He turned away from Dan and tried to contain his feelings, but he failed and tears started to stream down his face as he made his best attempt not to sob.

 

Dan felt horrible, Phil was right to a certain extent but so was he. At the end of the day, if Phil wasn’t up for discussing their issues, they would never get anywhere. The scene right in front of him was just another manifestation of Phil pulling away from him. He kept avoiding important conversations and trying to hide his feelings until they became too much for him to handle.

 

At first, Dan thought he was having a sensory overload. His eyes hurt with the shining reflection of the water projecting all over the cave, but when his eyes were able to focus again, he saw Phil staring at the wall behind him. He turned to see what it was and saw something moving.

 

Dan scrambled to his feet and stepped away from the wall. He couldn’t believe his eyes.

 

_It was the two of them, looking a bit older, but Phil started to fade and sobbing could be heard travelling all through the cave, bouncing on the walls and amplifying the sound. It was Dan sobbing as Phil vanished “I can’t believe he is really gone, What am I going to do?”_

 

Phil felt frozen in place. The image kept playing over and over making Phil go mad with sorrow, Dan’s sobs reverberating inside the cave, breaking his heart.

 

Beside him, Dan stared blankly into his older self. “So you leave me in the future, what a shock,” he said sarcastically. This made Phil feel even worse; for him, it meant that he died, for Dan that he chose to leave him.

 

“No, I think I died.”

 

Dan merely rolled his eyes and sat back down against the wall with the intention of ignoring his surroundings - and especially Phil - as much as he could.

 

Phil was confused, despite their last year having been so horrible, Phil couldn’t picture his life without Dan. He didn’t know what he needed to do, but as soon as they got home, they would discuss it and figure it out, _together_.

 

The image disappeared and the storm finally stopped just as suddenly as it had started. There still wasn’t any phone service. Phil suggested that they tried to make their way back to the sanctuary, but Dan pointed out how stupid that idea was. It was too dark to attempt that safely. There were no nearby houses or buildings, only vegetation that could easily lead to them getting lost. Not to mention the wild animals, like the Coconut Crabs that could literally snap body parts off them. Phil hadn’t known that despite their name, the molluscs were actually carnivores; that information definitely convinced him to stay in the cave until the morning.

 

Dan shivered after being completely drenched for hours and wrapped his arms around his frame but still refused to cuddle Phil - even to conserve body heat. Instead, he chose to lay down for the night on a rock and try to get some rest.

 

Phil waited until he was sure Dan had fallen asleep to lay behind him and cuddle him, whispering. “We’ll fix this, I promise. I can’t imagine my life without _you_ , without _us_. I love you so much, please love, don’t ever leave me.” He sobbed as quietly as he could before fell asleep as well. Dan had been awake since he felt Phil beside him, he was unsure whether to believe what he had heard or not. He decided that once back in London, he was moving out. He was tired of all the arguments and they couldn’t keep going like that.

 

\-----------------

 

They were awakened the next morning by the first wave of tourists visiting the Hinagdanan Cave and promptly taken to the hospital for a health check. They were released soon after with only the recommendation to rest and drink a lot of water.

 

Only 24 hours remained of their trip and nothing had been solved; if anything Dan was more determined than ever to leave. He felt like it was for the best.

 

They didn’t even talk to each other. Phil took a shower and with barely an “I’m going for a walk” in Dan’s general direction, he turned on his heels and left.

 

Dan spent the rest of the day walking down the beach. He was finally at peace after having made his decision. It felt right. Deep inside him, that gave him a twinge, but he ignored it.

 

Instead, he focused on the feeling of the white sand between his toes and clear water lapping at his ankles softly.  

 

After watching the sunset, he made his way back to the hotel and packed his suitcase and set all the papers for the flight before closing the blackout curtains and falling into a deep sleep.

 

Phil returned at some point during the night, or so Dan presumed because he was there in the morning.

 

\----------

 

The flight back to London was spent mostly in silence. They didn’t appear to be arguing per se, but they weren’t making an effort to speak more than extremely necessary.

 

Once back in their flat, Phil set his suitcase in the spare bedroom but promptly went to the moon room and knocked on the door.

 

“Why are you knocking?” Dan asked with a blank look.

 

“I don’t want to invade your personal space,” he shrugged. “But I think we still have that talk pending and a familiar setting could help.” It wasn’t really a question but it had definitely sounded like that.

 

“Ok, yeah. We do need to talk. But tomorrow, I’m too tired.” There was something very off about how Dan was talking. Like he wasn’t even there, like he was behind a glass wall, and Phil hated it.

 

“Ok. I’ll make breakfast and bring it here.”

 

“Sounds good. Good night.”

 

“Good night.” Phil wasn’t sure if kissing Dan would be appropriate and that broke his heart even more. He knew he was being dismissed so he returned to his bedroom.

 

That thought made him freeze on the spot. He had come to think of the spare bedroom as his own room. Dan had definitely right about a lot of things.

 

The next morning found Phil in the kitchen making a stack of English pancakes for two, with cereal bowls, coffee and scones. Once everything was completed, he took it to the bedroom, set the tray in the middle of the bed and crawled around it to wake Dan up.

 

Dan groaned and rolled away from him but finally fished his phone from under the pillow and looked at the time.

 

“Phil, it’s 7.30,” he croaked and closed his eyes again.

 

“Yes, and you’ve been sleeping for 14 hours. I have breakfast right here.”

 

Dan considered it for a moment, he _was_ hungry. “Ok.”

 

He sat up and grabbed one of the mugs. Coffee sounded heavenly at the moment. Phil sat crossed legged in front of him.

 

“So…” Phil started and picked his mug as well.

 

Dan waited until Phil stopped drinking to speak. “I’m moving out.”

 

Phil set the cup down carefully before he burned them both. “What?”

 

“I think it’s for the best. After the cave, I realized we can’t keep going like this.” He drank more coffee, trying to appear calmer than he actually was.

 

“I thought we were going to at least _try_. What we _saw_ \- ” Phil was trying hard to contain the tears.

 

“Whatever _that_ was, that’s the only thing I’m not willing to talk about or I will for sure freak out or end up in an institution - or both,” Dan said hurriedly. “Listen. I have tried to talk to you about us, we travelled, we took a bit of time to be together but how much of the trip did we _actually_ spend together?”

 

Phil thought for a moment. “Not a lot.”

 

“Exactly. I know that you are trying, or at least you are trying to try. But with me here we are not getting anywhere.”

 

“I’ll go mad without you.”

 

“The fact that we are not good at spending time alone is not good enough of a reason to continue living together.”

 

“But why can’t we just try? Please, I don’t want to break up. I love you.” He couldn’t hold up anymore. He started sobbing and covered his face with his hands as his entire frame shook violently.

 

Dan moved the tray to the bedside table and crawled to Phil, hugging him. “We don’t have to break up, love. I love you too, but I think we both need our space. We need to miss each other and remember why we fell in love in the first place.”

 

Phil clutched to him and buried his face in Dan’s neck. “But I already miss you.”

 

“Yes, but I have been missing you for the better part of a year. We have been living together all this time and we couldn’t focus on our relationship. I think that we need to go back a bit. Go back to dating, to flirting, to being _boyfriends_ , because right now, it doesn’t feel like we are.”

 

“Aren’t we?” Phil murmured.

 

“When was the last time you decided something regarding the two of us _after_ talking to me about it? And it’s not just you. _I_ booked us a fucking trip to the other side of the world without talking to you first, spending _our_ money, affecting _our_ schedule. Also, I almost killed us both.”

 

Phil laughed a bit even though he was still hiccuping. “True.”

 

“I think we have been taking each other for granted. Me moving out will hopefully help us to actually work on our relationship, to actually try, to communicate better. Now you’ll have to call me if you want to talk to me instead of sharing a space with me and grunting two words about something and spending the night in the other room.”

 

Phil pulled back and wiped the tears away. “I’m sorry. I do want to spend time with you. It’s just that I piled on so much work, sometimes I feel I’m going crazy.”

 

“Why did you do that? I don’t think me taking time off is making that much of a difference.”

 

“Not really. It’s just that we are still paying the loan we took for the tour, there are things that we haven’t finished paying from the expenses for it, and not all the money has been transferred to us yet.” He sighed, “So we are kind of in this in-between space with the money.”

 

“What about our other sources of  income?”

 

“Everything is being distributed among the expenses and we are still saving 20% in our other account as we agreed. Also, I have been saving for our future in a new account and I don’t want to touch that money for any reason, so the daily spendings, like groceries, are coming directly from ad revenue.”

 

“Ad revenue? Yikes! Why didn’t you mention that? I mean, you hinted at it but “for the future” is a very vague statement. In a way, everything we do is for the future.”

 

“It was a surprise. I was sure that you would love it, but now I’m not so sure. Thinking about it now, it seems like I made a decision for both of us without consulting you _again_.”

 

“Well, If we are going to be boyfriends now, we can’t hold the past above each other’s head, but we do need to be honest - especially about our feelings.”

 

“Ok.”

 

“So what are you saving for?”

 

“Do I really have to tell you now?” Phil pouted.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Ok.” he sighed. “I’m buying a house.”

 

“What!?”

 

“Well, I haven’t started paying for it yet but I have most of the money for the down payment. I think in about 6 months we would be ready to make an offer and move in.”

 

“Are you serious?” Dan shrieked excitedly.

 

“Yes, I have my eye on a particular house. The owners are moving out by then so I think it gives us enough time to do all the paperwork and buy it.”

 

“Wow. Can I see it?”

 

“Yeah.” Phil brought his laptop over and went through his bookmarks until he found the right one.

 

Dan smiled as he went through the pictures. “Floor to ceiling windows, a big bathtub. Oh my god! The garden! This is amazing, you could kill so many of those plants.”

 

Phil poked him. “Don’t be mean, it was for a dog. But anyways, I guess once we have sorted our relationship out we can buy it if it’s still in the market.”

 

“I think that you should go with your plan and buy it.”

 

“Will you move in with me when the time comes?”

 

“Maybe. _Probably_.”

 

“I wouldn’t want to live there without you, I’m not buying it.”

 

“Buy it. If we break up we can have a messy divorce and try to poke each other’s eyes out over it,” Dan smiled.

 

“Don’t even joke about it.”

 

“Ok, ok. So do we have a deal? Are you going to date me again?”

 

“Yes. If you are sure that will help us, I’m willing to try.”

 

“Perfect. Let’s shake on it.”

 

Phil shook Dan’s hand but still asked: “Why can’t be kiss instead?”

 

“Because you’ll have to work your way up to it.”

 

Phil pouted. “Pleeeease? One last kiss before we start over.”

 

“Ok, one last kiss and it’s a new beginning.”

 

Phil cupped Dan’s cheek and leaned in, taking his time, brushing his lips against Dan’s, kissing him slowly, almost in a reverent fashion. They hadn’t kissed like that in too long and it made them breathless. Finally, everything felt like it should.

 

\------

 

During the next few days, Phil helped Dan move out. He would have left the following day, but going to stay at a hotel sounded like very temporary, and moving in with his mom again sounded too depressing. He decided to rent a place, which he refused to show to Phil until the time was right, meaning until they went on a good enough date to grant him an invitation to his flat.

 

Much to Phil’s dismay they agreed to not call or text each other for a week. When the clock struck midnight, Dan grabbed his phone to text him but it dinged before he even had the chance to start typing.

 

“I miss you! How are you doing? Are you eating?”

 

“I miss you too! I was about to text you just now. I promise I’m eating and staying hydrated.”

 

“Great **😊** **.** Wanna hang out tomorrow?”

 

“Are you asking me out?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Where are we going?”

 

“Skybar.”

 

“Ooh, fancy!”

 

As it turns out, Phil had given their dating a lot of thought and decided to start over quite literally. They did go to a Skybar, however it was not in London, but Manchester. They went to many places they hadn’t been in a long time and ended the night with a romantic dinner.

 

He made sure to be focused on Dan, not let his phone distract him, not let his mind wander for long, and especially not think about work.

 

Dan took notice of Phil’s effort immediately and it warmed his heart. During their week apart, he had thought back on his past behaviour and realized, he had done many of the same mistakes he had saddled solely on Phil. He had pulled away from Phil as well, perhaps in an effort to avoid getting hurt because he considered many times the possibility of Phil leaving him. He hadn’t been attentive to the clear amount of stress Phil was going through and still let him handle everything related to their careers and finances. They had several companies, for fuck's sake, Phil had been in the wrong too but _he_ hadn’t helped matters, deciding on focusing on himself and his own thoughts, overanalyzing every single move, every single conversation or lack thereof. To be fair, he hadn’t _decided_ to do that, but he hadn’t noticed he was doing it and the distance had helped him see his mistakes as well.

 

Overall Dan was happy that Phil was really giving their relationship more attention.

 

That same week, they got together again, but this time as business partners. Phil invited him to the flat to put him up to date on how their finances were going and show him the status of their new saving account as well as the papers for the house.

 

From then on, everything progressed slowly but naturally. Not all of their dates were fancy or even out. Sometimes they would get together to play Mario Kart. One day Phil would show up to his apartment with roses for no reason. Or Dan would make dinner from scratch and play the piano for Phil.

 

They had held hands, hugged, cuddled on the sofa and even kissed each other on the cheek but they had agreed their new first kiss would be at midnight on New Year’s Eve and were counting the days back to it.

 

Their closest friends knew of their current situation, but they hadn’t told their families. That didn’t mean that their mothers hadn’t caught on to their problems. Phil got a comment from Kath only a few hours after getting to the family home about how happy she was that they had worked it out. It took Karen about 10 seconds to notice how much happier Dan looked but a day to realize why.

 

“Are you guys getting married?”

 

“Mom!”

 

“Well, then why are you so smiley?” She asked bumping his shoulder.

 

“We were kind of.... too focused on other stuff and now we are not. And we are buying a house together.” He bit his lip.

 

“Oh my god! That’s amazing! Congratulations!”

 

“Thanks.”

 

His phone dinged and he checked the message immediately without realizing his mom was reading it too. “I love you <3”

 

“Awwwww. Dan, you two are so perfect for each other.”

 

“I wouldn’t say we are perfect.”

 

“I said for each other. Every couple has problems sooner or later, but you have always stuck together and figured things out. That’s what matters in the end.”

 

“True,” he smiled.

 

\--------

 

2019 started with a kiss, the first of many to come. Over the next few months, their time was spent between the two flats. Hanging out, playing video games or movie nights, cooking for each other, planning for their upcoming Radio Show, browsing for furniture and getting slowly back into that sense of closeness that they had once had. The feeling of being them and the rest of the world. Sharing space together wherever they might be, finally felt like home again.

 

Not everything was peaceful, of course. They bickered constantly about unwashed dishes, opened cabinets, socks on tables, being late to places, measuring furniture because it was 3 inches too big to fit perfectly in the middle of the dining room. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t perfect, because it was _them._ That’s how they had always been, teasing each other for stupid reasons, finding their personalities amusing and adorable because that was what they loved about the other.  

 

It had been almost 6 months since Dan had moved out, but the time had finally come. Phil gave one last look at Dan’s empty apartment, closed the door behind him, and got into the moving truck. He was really going to miss this place. They had formed so many beautiful memories in it, but it was for the best.

 

Once in his destination, he started to carry the boxes inside.

 

“Phil?”

 

“Did you remember to lock the door?”

 

“Yes,” he said setting the box down.

 

“Did you give the keys to the landlord?”

 

“No, he wasn’t home.”

 

“Ok. Dinner is almost ready. You didn’t have to go alone, you know?”

 

“I know, but I wanted to say goodbye.”

 

“Come here,” Dan said pressing his lips to Phil’s. “I love you.”

 

“I love you more.”

 

“Don’t be cheesy,” Dan said bumping his shoulder.

 

“It’s supposed to be cheesy,” Phil smiled.

 

Dan turned towards the stove and stirred the veggies. “I won’t hesitate to throw a glass of water to your face.”

 

“Would you dare?” Phil said hugging him from behind and resting his chin on Dan’s shoulder.

 

“Yes, I would.” Dan smiled. He _wouldn’t_ actually, they both knew that.

 

Dan had finally moved back in. They had considered waiting because their big move was only a few weeks away, but in the end, they had decided that they had waited long enough. Phil begged Dan to move in even sooner than he had wanted to, he didn’t know why but he was getting restless without him. He could no longer sleep alone. The fact that he had been feeling weird did not help at all, he felt incredibly clingy.

 

As the days went by, he started to feel worse and worse. He thought he was getting the flu, but the headaches were becoming increasingly painful. Dan was being an angel and doting all over him, but a fateful Saturday, he had fallen deeply asleep and Phil had decided that he needed an analgesic right then and there.

 

He shakily got to his feet and climbed up the stairs to the bathroom. He didn’t manage to get the bloody pill because as soon as he looked under the sink his vision went black. The next thing he knew was that he was laying on the bathroom floor, he tried to get up using the bathtub as support, but just when he thought he was ok, he blacked out again.

 

Dan woke up with his heart beating so fast he felt like it was trying to claw its way out of him. He didn’t remember what he was dreaming to put him in that state. He rolled to his side patting the bed to find it empty and immediately knew something was wrong.

 

He called for Phil but he didn’t answer. Seeing the upstairs lights on he raced up and almost fainted to the sight of Phil laying on the ground in a puddle of his own blood, looking pale; _too pale._

 

He crouched down next to Phil and checked his pulse. He was a bit cold, but his heart was still beating. He ran downstairs to grab his phone and called 999.

 

\----

 

When Phil opened his eyes, he was met by a familiar image, only a bit different. Dan was sobbing desperately, but he was not alone, Bryony was holding him.

 

“The doctor said that even though he just passed out, hitting his head and losing so much blood could have killed him. If I hadn’t been there…”

 

“But you were. That’s what matters, babe. He’s going to be ok. Now it’s just a waiting game until they check that everything is ok and he is released.”

 

“I know, but why won’t he wake up? It’s been hours. I think I’m going to be sick.”

 

Phil tried to speak but his throat was too dry. He slapped the metal rail on his bed instead.

 

“Phil!” Dan rushed to his side.

 

Phil signalled to his throat and tried to speak again, but only managed to cough.

 

Dan pushed the button to call the doctor and not 10 seconds later he was there with one of the nurses. They checked his vital signs and gave him water to help his throat. He was due to stay in observation for one more day to find the exact cause of the headaches and to keep him on a drip of saline for the quite evident dehydration he was suffering.

 

“Love you,” he croaked, before closing his eyes and going back to sleep. Dan kissed his forehead and stayed right beside him the entire night.

 

\-------

 

Epilogue:

 

After the incident, Phil had been taking time off work as his doctor had advised him. The stress of overworking himself for an entire year without a break had finally caught up to him. He would make sure to never do that again. Recently, his main focus had been preparing for the big day.

 

Phil opened the door with one hand as he kept the other one over Dan’s eyes. They crossed the threshold smiling excitedly.

 

“Phil, You have shown me pictures already. I know what the house looks like.” Dan laughed.

 

“Yes, but it’s even better than what you saw in the pictures. And that’s not the surprise.”

 

“What _is_ the surprise then?”

 

“Are you ready?”

 

“Yes!”

 

“Ok, here it goes,” Phil said but didn’t remove his hand.

 

“Phil! I swe-” Dan felt something moving on his feet but he didn’t even have time to react. A tiny bark was heard immediately and Dan screeched.

 

Both of them leaned down to the pooch. “A Corgi!” Dan said with tears rolling down his eyes as he picked the puppy up. He looked so stupid, Dan already loved him and his tiny jean vest. The feeling was mutual. Dan was thoroughly licked on his cheek and he barely got away to prevent him a lick to the lips. “Oh my god!”

 

“Hey Dan,” Phil said poking him in the tummy.

 

“What?” he sniffed.

 

“That’s not the surprise either.”

 

“You got me something better than a _dog_?”

 

“Mmmmmaybe. We’ll see. Check the pocket on his vest.”

 

Dan lifted the puppy and confirmed that he did, in fact, have a pocket and his stupidly tiny vest. It was absolutely adorable. He undid the button and shoved one finger inside the pocket. The moment he made contact with it, he _knew_.

 

“Fuck off! What?” he shoved another finger in and fished the ring out. He set the dog down and grabbed Phil by the neck kissing him breathless. Then he proceeded to extend his hand to Phil and ask him to put it on. “Hurryhurryhurryhurryyyyyyyyy. Yes!” he hugged Phil and kissed him again - repeatedly.

 

“Should I take that as a _yes_ then?”

 

“Yes, but if you divorce me I’m keeping the dog.”

 

“Shut up,” Phil said and pecked him his lips. He had no doubt in his mind or his heart that they could overcome whatever obstacles might present themselves. He had always felt like Dan and he were meant to be and he finally confirmed it. Everything in their lives had been pushing them together. Phil had predicted Dan in his life only months before they met, before Dan had started to _call_ to him. Dan had booked the trip to a secluded island and had led them in the wrong direction during the storm, but had it been _truly_ wrong? Dan didn’t believe in fate but Phil did. He had found the cave and also understood the true meaning of the vision. If they hadn’t worked on their issues they would have broken up by the time Phil had the accident and he would have died, alone.

 

After everything that had happened, he was thankful that he had taken the second chance presented to him, taking the path back to Dan and had finally gotten his happy ending.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Katsinspaxe-arts for making the amazing art and prompt for this fic and Completelyuncreative2 for being an amazingly supportive and efficient beta!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: [Succubusphan](http://Succubusphan.tumblr.com/)
> 
> In case you wish to reblog the fic: [Tumblr Link](https://succubusphan.tumblr.com/post/182873287116/its-like-were-going-under/)
> 
> Comments and Kudos are appreciated!!!!


End file.
